Thursday, March 24, 2011

Working on My Heart

This may sound odd, but it's much easier to lean on God in the hard times, when everything's miserable, falling apart, & He's your singular hope. We cry out to Him to save us, help us, make us better. The scary thing is, when He's blessed us & our dreams have come true, after the initial euphoria of praise, THAT is when it's easiest to slip away from depending on Him and giving Him as much attention & conversation as we did we when were on the brink.

I don't want that to be me. I cried out to Him every day for years, #1 for His will and for whatever was best for our family, but then always #2 to pleasepleaseplease let that be in the South, if it can fit in His will! ;-) [PS - And for Him to take away the deep longing in my heart, if that wasn't His plan.] Now that we're back here, I do NOT want to fall into complacency. I don't want to just say, "YAY!!! Mission accomplished!" B/c it's far from it. Just b/c I had a long growing season before arriving at this overflowing spring of happiness doesn't mean I should be OK with finishing at this point. I want to keep growing.

I want to keep my heart open to His promptings...and I found one on the side of the road. I can't help but marvel driving around down here - the weather, everything growing & blooming so beautifully = ALIVE!!! But I've noticed a couple homeless men who trade off days standing at the exit ramp off the highway I drive b/t Annelise's school & home. The juxtaposition of their post with the Family Fun Park my kids obsess over (happy place of parties & leisure games) across the street got me. I kept thinking about these guys, but I didn't know what God wanted me to do.

One day, the kids asked why that man was standing there. We talked honestly about how some people have really tough stuff to go through, how blessed we are, and then we prayed for the man - that God would work miracles in his life and that He would help him get whatever provision & healing he needed to get a fresh start. Will & Annelise both wanted to invite him to stay with us, and I thought instantly back to asking the *same thing* when I was a child: I didn't understand why Walt Rainey, our town's homeless man who rode a bike, couldn't come stay with us. I said, "Why don't we think of things we can give him."

I've been a little annoyed over two moves now by a few nice-but-bulky, loooong shelf-life edible items we don't use that I've wanted to throw away, but just couldn't bring my cheap-self to do. Now I think God had us haul them across three states just for this purpose. It may sound cheesy or totally nuts, but after praying for direction, I feel like we all got a perfect one for that moment.

From Ann Voskamp:

A pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over.
{A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted, small moments missed.}

Homemaking is about making a home, not about making perfection.
A perfect home is an authentic, creative, animated space where Peace and Christ and Beauty are embraced.
{Perfect does not equate to immaculate.}


Joyce Meyer said something today that's also really sticking with me: when we pray the Lord's Prayer, we feel all holy & spiritual; but DO understand that it says, "God, forgive me the same way I forgive other people." We can pray our heads off for something, and if it's not happening, could it be we have people to forgive first before God will work for us? Matthew 6:14-15 Always powerful to hear!

And finally, one more gem from my friend Beth's Bible study: "Humility is not thinking more of yourself, not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."

5 comments:

  1. oh, hugs to you! thank you for being transparent in this and sharing! we could all use the reminder to put our faith and hope in the Lord in all circunstances! :)

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  2. Thanks, Love! I hope I don't ever sound like I'm trying to be "holier than thou" - I just want to be exactly how you put it: transparent. *HUGS*

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  3. you are not being "holier than thou" - you are being open and honest, which is one of the many reasons why i love you! when God blesses you and you have passed the woohoo! praise stage, what do you do next? its a great question. i'd suggest plugging into a biblestudy of some sort - that way, you mind and heart are continually challenged. also, God gives us seasons of rest (from the turmoil) - don't miss out on this new season of rest - you've been through quite alot over the past couple years. remember, God is God in the quiet seasons as he is in the rollercoaster seasons :-)

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  4. LOOOVE THIS! Amen! Thank you, Love!

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