Airing Dirty Laundry...Or My Silver Linings Playbook

Honesty time: I've felt weighed down & stomach-knotted off and on a lot the last month or so. Most people have had no idea, b/c I really try to focus on the positives & count my blessings in the midst of the junk - always looking for silver linings. :-) This is a trait I am very thankful for, but I can't lie: it can be exhausting, and sometimes I just want to air it all out. (Y'all know I function better as an open book!) That's a bit risky, b/c I don't want to sound ungrateful for our myriad of blessings that MORE THAN outweigh the crud or like I'm depressed when we have such happy things going on, too. On the flipside, I also find it really valuable & encouraging when my friends share their trials along with the ways God has brought them through. :-) I promise I'm not about to lose it or anything :-P but trying to shake these things off and/or suck it up on a daily basis piles up, so I ask y'all for the grace to let me vent a smidge...

I am absolutely sick over my friend Terra's daughter Kendall fighting for her life in the PICU (Hope For Kendall). I met Terra at MOPS when we moved to Chicago right after Kendall was born; Kendall fights mitochondrial disease, but this week has been her worst. By far. The things Terra has posted that they are going through rip me to shreds. I'm glad I found a couple ways I can help them, but it's still hard to "shake off" thinking about it all. Please, please cover them in prayer! I was super anxious about officially making some Zumba changes after MAJOR drama that occurred last month, (hmmm, maybe I'll share that story in another post) and I also discovered a few new Zumba requirements I need to make time ASAP to complete; the requirements aren't difficult, but I churn about professional obligations until they are in the books. I can't stand being deficient in ANY capacity!!! Our van is reeeeally stressing me out: the damage from being hit by a flying tire tread on I-10 this past Saturday (yes, it was terrifying; yes, we're fine) is purely cosmetic, so it's not really a smart investment to repair the body when the a/c is out, again, (no a/c in a month; I've been OK w/ the windows down, but that's not going to work when we're steadily in the 90's) so that gets first priority on the van's ever-growing financial totem pole. I've battled my teeth & mouth aching w/ different periods of intensity for about two months now; if (like JB!) you don't struggle with dental issues, fall to your knees and praise the Lord right this instant! It's enough to make you crazy after a while - pain waking you up in the night, your bite being off with new crowns that have to be adjusted over several visits which in the meantime make simply chewing your meals difficult. Even if everything else is all rosy, that can be enough to sully your mood. :-P My 7th (& please God, last!) dental appointment in this current slate of work is May 21: pray for total completion! :-D I also had sinus stuff all last week, and the icing on the cake: I even had a reaction that made my lips painfully puff up for over a week starting on Annelise's bday. Miserable.

None of this stuff (except Kendall!) is life threatening, and God is steadily carrying me through with so much happiness in between!!! But it struck me when a friend asked how I was doing yesterday, and I instantly replied with my Susie Sunshine, "Awesome! :-D" Then I stopped: "You know, I don't know why I said that. I'm not super awesome. I'm OK, but there's some junk weighing me down, so yeah - hanging in there." Talking to her made me actively realize that I need to get this mess out sometimes and that it's OK to *not* be Susie Sunshine 24/7. (Maybe just 23.75/7 ;-)) So thanks to her and YOU for being my prayer partners and sounding board for the junk as well as my praise sharers for the good! :-D

And b/c focusing on the good is my default mode, my FB status is: SOOO BLESSED by the Zumba I'm currently teaching, the hot tub & steam room at the gym = my haven, gorgeous weather, the fact that I could easily trot up 4 flights of stairs in the parking deck, *ALL GREEN LIGHTS* down a busy stoplight-filled road from I-10 giving me time to grab bubble tea before getting to school on time to volunteer for Will's science program, and a sweet friend that drove me over to the auto shop. God always blesses me and shines through the junk!