Emotional Brink
Lest anyone think we are such pro moving robots that nothing gets to us, let me welcome you to my emotional precipice.
JB & Bonnie Blue Beagle are now in Texas; they left at 6 AM today (Saturday morning.) I really thought I'd be happy for my & the kids' extra week & a half here, but we already miss them and the house just feels weird now... I'm glad to have 6 more Zumba classes to teach and that Will gets to go to his church camp this coming week (his 1st sleep away camp Wed-Sat!!! :-O we signed up back in April,) but it will be a relief when my mom & the movers arrive to get this show on the road. Dragging it out is emotional torture to me.
Today feels dramatically lonely. Everything ended all at once a week ago: beloved baseball, dance, school - the fun things that gave our schedule purpose. Most people here have now left town for vacay or the beach; it's unnervingly quiet & boring - makes me wish even more so that we could just get on with it, too.
This is also the first time we've ever been home w/o Bonnie Blue here. It might sound silly, but she is the most constant thing in my daily life; when JB's at work and the kids are at school, it's me & her. I can't stop looking for her around the house; I never actively realized how much focus she actually draws. I've never been apart from her for more than two weeks, (& that 2 week trip was to Italy NINE years ago! :-P) It's easy to text, talk, & check in w/ JB, so this next month apart may be the hardest b/c of Bonnie B! :-D
It didn't help the stress level that JB & I spent our last two days together putting out unnecessary fires. Money is crazy tight this month, since we have to make essentially three house payments (last GA, first TX, & TX security deposit) all at once, and we are bending over backwards to make sure all of our ducks are in a row. Too bad the two real estate agents we're dealing w/ in TX didn't bother to take the same initiative: they questioned us THREE separate times Thurs & Fri as to how we were handling payments (insinuating we were in the wrong) when, not only were we correct, but *we* had to point out how *they* were misreading the contract & had never given us certain information. How are these people employed??? I always knew my mom was a wonderful Realtor, but I took for granted *HOW* amazing until dealing with this level of mediocrity. I have been sorely disappointed expecting her standards to be the norm.
Throw in some problems with our water here in our GA house, on top of me freaking over $$$, move-in logistics, the general sadness of the things we love being over, friends here gone on vacay, ending my Zumba practice, Will getting ready to be gone for 4 days w/ no family for the first time ever, and not getting to see either the love of my life or my most constant companion for the next month? Yeah, this is me on the brink...
[PS - on the brink is NOT the same as jumping off the cliff. :-D My random tears may fall into the crevasse, but then I step back from the edge, pray for God to keep carrying me through, thank Him that we are fortunate enough to get to make these transitions & that I have this love to miss in the first place, and go back to trying to eat out our fridge & freezer! :-) Gingersnaps in June? Why, of course! I'll bake the leftover dough from the freezer & crumble it into the homemade vanilla ice cream I'm making to use up our milk. :-P (Me? An emotional eater? ;-))]
JB & Bonnie Blue Beagle are now in Texas; they left at 6 AM today (Saturday morning.) I really thought I'd be happy for my & the kids' extra week & a half here, but we already miss them and the house just feels weird now... I'm glad to have 6 more Zumba classes to teach and that Will gets to go to his church camp this coming week (his 1st sleep away camp Wed-Sat!!! :-O we signed up back in April,) but it will be a relief when my mom & the movers arrive to get this show on the road. Dragging it out is emotional torture to me.
Today feels dramatically lonely. Everything ended all at once a week ago: beloved baseball, dance, school - the fun things that gave our schedule purpose. Most people here have now left town for vacay or the beach; it's unnervingly quiet & boring - makes me wish even more so that we could just get on with it, too.
This is also the first time we've ever been home w/o Bonnie Blue here. It might sound silly, but she is the most constant thing in my daily life; when JB's at work and the kids are at school, it's me & her. I can't stop looking for her around the house; I never actively realized how much focus she actually draws. I've never been apart from her for more than two weeks, (& that 2 week trip was to Italy NINE years ago! :-P) It's easy to text, talk, & check in w/ JB, so this next month apart may be the hardest b/c of Bonnie B! :-D
It didn't help the stress level that JB & I spent our last two days together putting out unnecessary fires. Money is crazy tight this month, since we have to make essentially three house payments (last GA, first TX, & TX security deposit) all at once, and we are bending over backwards to make sure all of our ducks are in a row. Too bad the two real estate agents we're dealing w/ in TX didn't bother to take the same initiative: they questioned us THREE separate times Thurs & Fri as to how we were handling payments (insinuating we were in the wrong) when, not only were we correct, but *we* had to point out how *they* were misreading the contract & had never given us certain information. How are these people employed??? I always knew my mom was a wonderful Realtor, but I took for granted *HOW* amazing until dealing with this level of mediocrity. I have been sorely disappointed expecting her standards to be the norm.
Throw in some problems with our water here in our GA house, on top of me freaking over $$$, move-in logistics, the general sadness of the things we love being over, friends here gone on vacay, ending my Zumba practice, Will getting ready to be gone for 4 days w/ no family for the first time ever, and not getting to see either the love of my life or my most constant companion for the next month? Yeah, this is me on the brink...
[PS - on the brink is NOT the same as jumping off the cliff. :-D My random tears may fall into the crevasse, but then I step back from the edge, pray for God to keep carrying me through, thank Him that we are fortunate enough to get to make these transitions & that I have this love to miss in the first place, and go back to trying to eat out our fridge & freezer! :-) Gingersnaps in June? Why, of course! I'll bake the leftover dough from the freezer & crumble it into the homemade vanilla ice cream I'm making to use up our milk. :-P (Me? An emotional eater? ;-))]
I'm sending you good karma as you go through this transition. Hearing your experience reminds me of the families of soldiers that I interact with, and how they have to do similar things as what you are going through. And no matter how many times you do it, it's always emotionally challenging, and when you are leaving someplace you love, it's even more difficult.
ReplyDeleteWhen we have to leave our dog overnight at the vet, or even during the day, it feels so weird to *not* have her at the house. My Dear Husband jokingly says she's co-dependent on me because she always wants to be where I'm at in the house/yard, but she is such a comfort and presence in our lives too. When I spent six months in Chicago (she was with me), I'd put my Dear Husband on speakphone and he'd talk to her...you could Skype with your furry baby until you are reunited. :)
Thank you, Heather! And Skype will be a great idea when JB gets our internet set up at the new house! :-) (I'll be a couple weeks on that, though. :-/)
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