Crushed at His Feet
Some of y'all know, we had a job opportunity that we were pretty excited at the prospect of fall through at the very end this week. For whatever reason, God didn't see it as the right fit for us. Of course, I totally don't understand why not, but I'm not Him, either. Pretty sad. Especially since we still have to leave a place that we otherwise love for a disappointing alternative...
Several of my friends have commented that I am handling it so well. Eh, the "calm & collected" is pretty much an act. Partly faking it, partly praying that if I keep acting like this that I'll truly start to feel that way in my heart...
We have major hope for other things in the future, and as ALWAYS, I'm praying so hard for them to happen; but right now I really just feel like a limp rag doll at God's feet. I know if we're not ready to get our dream right now, we won't. And that kills the human part of me who doesn't want to wait until I've learned any more tough lessons, you know? Guess it's pretty fitting for Maundy Thursday & the eve of Good Friday, though... I prayed so hard for God to take this cup from me, but it's just not His plan at this point.
In the meantime, I am praising God that #1, JB actually has a job, and #2, that I'm with a BFF this week over the kids' Spring Break who really understands what it feels like to live this. (Her husband gets moved around the same way all the time, and she's just as far away from her fam as I am.) It's good not to be at home alone crying on my couch, and instead, be here to make the week happy. I'm so thankful for that!
Several of my friends have commented that I am handling it so well. Eh, the "calm & collected" is pretty much an act. Partly faking it, partly praying that if I keep acting like this that I'll truly start to feel that way in my heart...
We have major hope for other things in the future, and as ALWAYS, I'm praying so hard for them to happen; but right now I really just feel like a limp rag doll at God's feet. I know if we're not ready to get our dream right now, we won't. And that kills the human part of me who doesn't want to wait until I've learned any more tough lessons, you know? Guess it's pretty fitting for Maundy Thursday & the eve of Good Friday, though... I prayed so hard for God to take this cup from me, but it's just not His plan at this point.
In the meantime, I am praising God that #1, JB actually has a job, and #2, that I'm with a BFF this week over the kids' Spring Break who really understands what it feels like to live this. (Her husband gets moved around the same way all the time, and she's just as far away from her fam as I am.) It's good not to be at home alone crying on my couch, and instead, be here to make the week happy. I'm so thankful for that!
my dearest susie, i COMPLETELY understand the feeling of being a limp rag doll at the feet of Jesus right now. that is how i feel about USC and clay's doctoral degree. i'm so angry but trying so hard to keep cool, for clay. if i could, i would march right into that grad office tomorrow and give them a piece of my mind, but i must wait on the Lord - for His purpose and timing and i'm sooooo over it! i'm angry and disappointed and in all honesty, i'm disappointed that God did not move on clay's behalf... that God did not make a way when there was no way. i'm just sick about this whole thing, so i understand (in some way) how you are feeling... love you
ReplyDeleteYou *COMPLETELY* understand. LOOOOVE you so much!
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